Redefy
by MerriWyllow
Summary: '"Lisbon, are you paying attention? This one time, pay attention!" His voice gave away a bit of his panic.' Some conversations after the first round of interrogation of Loralei. Tag for 4.24 "Crimson Hat", spoilers ahoy! Jane/Lisbon


He does not remember what happened while he was in the fugue state. But from a few little clues he can assume he acted like the randy dog his father had been - slick and fast with no real concern about anything beyond the mutual pleasure. He is unsure if his libido was chomping at the bit because he had been thinking about it or because his body had managed to triumph over his single-mindedness. What he wanted was to take Lisbon off somewhere and make it plain that he meant what he said. But that was just fantasy. When the time came he would not be merely making love with her - he would be making a life together with her, no mistake. But he was not free yet. He could not have all of that; to get just a bit would be either empty or make it too painful to do without everything else he wanted from her. So he kept that part of him under wraps as best he could - dispensation taken for those times when he was forced to pull a gun and aim it in her general direction.

The temptation to throw the energy away on some random woman is not strong enough to fall for. But Lorelei - now that was deliciously ugly and empty and utilitarian. He was willing to do whatever he had to to bring down Red John. If that meant - well, the adorable Summer had certainly reinforced the idea that hooking did not destroy one's essential worth as a human, whatever it might do to one's sense of self. That was not so bad. He could be Summer.

"Lisbon, don't. Thinking about it won't help." He saw the expression on her face through the door of her office as he walked toward her.

"Thinking about what?"

He sat on her couch and answered, "You have questions. You're thinking them so loudly I can hear you in the bullpen. I won't answer them. It's not really what you want me to say anyway."

"So what are you going to say?"

"Nothing." He was not going to confirm aloud that he was content, even pleased to own the girl that Red John had given to him, to use her like a toy, to play tug-of-war with, and to frack her brain for information.

"That's it? Just 'nothing'?"

He closed his eyes, and wished she could read his mind. The things he wanted to say would fill a book, a love letter, a therapy session. But how could he blithely explain to her that he wanted to laugh like a drain at the irony of playing the protective man sheltering Red John's pretty girl against his shoulder during the bloody parts of a nature documentary when the woman he craved was the one who kept him safe. That he had already said all he could to her until they caught Red John. That he had said too much. That what he had said to her was true because she was the only true part of his life. That if he were not so deep in debt to his wife and child he would happily take her and run to keep her safe.

He started thinking promises at her. _I will never seduce you. When we make love there will be no manipulation, no hidden agenda, no half-truths. You understand, don't you? Understand that I'm not free until this - Red John - is over._

"I didn't mention you."

"Ok."

"When I was with her I did not talk about you."

"Ok."

"She said she had heard a lot about you. Not from me, she didn't."

"Ok."

"Lisbon, are you paying attention? This one time, pay attention!" Nearly shouting, his voice gave away his panic.

"I am listening. That's why I said Ok."

"For God's sake, if not for mine, say something more than Ok."

"What should I say, Jane? That I get that I'm an item on the agenda at Red John team meetings? I heard what you said, and I know what it meant. I'm not going to let that keep me from doing my duty. It doesn't change anything."

"He talks about you to his creatures. He wanted me to prove my loyalty by killing you. That's part of the reason I didn't make contact with you. I had hoped it would take you off his radar. I didn't want you to have a target painted on you because of me."

"It's there. And it would be there without you - or it would be on some other CBI agent. There is nothing to do but keep working."

"You're not - Lisbon, please, you don't - " He took another stride closer so he stood directly in front of her, voice low and breaking. He took a breath and continued, "Don't let him make you the third reason I have to kill him."

He stalked out of her office through the bullpen to the kitchenette where Van Pelt was picking through some kind of salad in a plastic take-out dome. He asked, "Grace, may I use your phone, please?"

"Sure, what for?" With a questioning look on her face, she handed it to him.

Lisbon followed him around the corner, and said, "Jane, what are you doing?"

Instead of answering, he put a call through, on speaker. Cho answered, "Yeah, Van Pelt?"

"She's here, but this is Jane."

"What?"

"I need you both to do something. It's to help Lisbon."

"What?" A little less frost in this query.

"She's on the top of Red John's Most Wanted list. Protect her. Whatever you have to do."

"Now you are sharing with the team, Jane? I don't want special protection," the Senior Agent said.

Over the phone Cho said, "Not an option, Boss. Van Pelt, you take over for me at the holding cells. I'll stay with Lisbon tonight. We'll work out our protective detail in the morning."

"Guys, no, it's not necessary. I can handle myself. I'm not changing my life to accommodate Red John."

Jane said, "How about changing your life to discommode him? If you don't want Cho to stay with you, I will. He might follow your orders, but I don't have to."

"No. Nuh uh - "

"Boss, Jane's right. We don't want to lose you. Cho, I'll be down there in five minutes, this is one prisoner I don't want to face uncaffeinated," said Van Pelt. "Should I see about using a safe house?" She looked at Jane for an answer.

"No, Van Pelt. I'm not going to a safe house. I'm going to keep right on living and working as usual."

Jane said, "No official safe houses. I will find a place." Which would be harder - getting Lisbon to take this as seriously as he needs her to, or actually keeping her safe from Red John? All the more reason he had to win this game, fast.

~The End~

* * *

**A/N:** I apologize for the abrupt ending. This is the bit where I protest my inability to do plot; I could see this scene in my head but after that it is such a complete blank, I cannot see anything. I do rather hope some effort is put into keeping Lisbon safe next season. If I were in Jane's shoes, I'd sell the house and burn up all my assets then clean out every casino on the continent to provide her with discrete, indefinite, Kevin-Costner-Bodyguard-type personal security. If I were in Lisbon's shoes, I would probably just pop Jane in the nose.


End file.
